It had been a long and arduous day. The rain ticked and splattered on the shop windows. Where was she going? Home of course, where else? Oh, but one wouldn't hurt, she thought to herself, just the one and then off home, the train would be late today.
The local barflies hung around, humming their same old conversations, drawling on about nothing in particular. What a waste of a life she thought to herself, sitting in the same old bar every day. She liked to watch them all the same. The sight of them in their wrinkled clothes with their unkempt hair and unshaven faces, what a sorry sight they are, she would chortle quietly.
sooner or later he would appear, as he did most days, looking for her as he opened the door, cautious of the men on stools quietly making love to their pints. He would see her, they would talk, and then she would finish her drink and leave, of course.
As predicted there he came, through the doors searching for her, though all the while knowing exactly where she would be. He smiled and approached. sitting on the seat to her right and folding his jacket in a slap shod sort of way he asked about her day.
When she spoke to him he seemed to listen, though she was almost certain he could not have cared less about whatever it was she had to say. His eyes always searched her body, as though for wanting some answer to some secret she was unaware he had heard of. This made her slightly uncomfortable to begin with, but over time she had come to accept it as his way.
Entering the bathroom she felt warm and heady. Pressing her face to the tiles for comfort. She often took pleasure in the solace provided by the two doors that separated her from the drone of the barflies. Looking into the mirror she saw her makeup had begun to fade and bleed in places. She attempted to fix it with a dampened tissue, but each time she approached the mirror to examine herself she seemed blurred somehow, i must get my eyes examined she thought.
Walking back into the bar she stumbled and fell, some stupid person put their chair in front of me, how inconsiderate! She glanced about sharply at those to left and right of her, trying to identify the guilty party, but to no avail. Looking up she saw her companion, a slight grin adorned his otherwise placid face, he must think me such a fool she thought, a jester perhaps! ha ha.
Are you alright? he asked her, still seeming somewhat amused. She grimaced. He had ordered her another glass, just what she needed to cool down and unwind from her embarrassment. How thoughtful of him. As he slipped the glass carefully into her hand his fingers caressed her own quite purposefully. His eyes still searching her as he moved closer, she could feel his hand pressed to her shoulder.
As his hands slid up her dress, lifting it over her head and arms gazing at every passing inch of her body against the blood red sheets. Her pale skin, soft and warm, the soothing motherly curve of her hips, the rise and fall of her gentle breathing chest, the steady flow of blood passing through the vein in her neck like a small drum beat and the way her lips slightly parted when her eyes firmly closed. A sight he enjoyed often. He lifted her limp body from the waist and removed her underwear. Her lips were wet and inviting when he kissed them.
wWhen she woke alone with the sunlight burning through the curtains, filling the room with a pink glow, her head throbbed, her back ached and her mouth was dry and potent. A faint and lingering scent of Guinness hung in the cold air. Oh god where am i? She searched for some familiar place or object, then he appeared and all at once she became suddenly aware of her nakedness. You should get dressed, he said, pointing to a chair covered partially by her sprawling of clothes, we'll be leaving in about fifteen minutes. Then he was gone.
Each time the train jerked uneasily around a corner or bend she felt her insides writhing with discontent. They did not speak, he no longer searched for any hidden secrets, and his gaze met only that of the speckled linoleum floor.
It had been a long and arduous day. The rain ticked and splattered on the shop windows. Where is she going? Home, of course....
Monday 29 December 2008
criminal records
each time i close my eyes
thoughts from my past come screaming back
each kiss
each touch
my skin crawls
who am i?
surely this wasn't me
surely not
it couldn't be?
oh yes it was
between each filthy set of sheets
twas i, the whore of Babylon
no, better yet, the devil's concubine!
my lust
my greed
never satisfied
i dare not even blink for the sight of writhing bodies
i can still feel their warm, wet flesh on my lips
the taste of them
my stomach churns
i beg of it to purge my guilt
but no, nothing
just torturous nausea
each burning penetrating stare
i feel on my person all at once
as though i were once again naked
at their command
i remember the cross
silvery and cool
upon my chest where it landed
the searing sting of my tears
as they fell
the tiny pattering as they landed in my hair
and the profound, screaming silence that followed.
thoughts from my past come screaming back
each kiss
each touch
my skin crawls
who am i?
surely this wasn't me
surely not
it couldn't be?
oh yes it was
between each filthy set of sheets
twas i, the whore of Babylon
no, better yet, the devil's concubine!
my lust
my greed
never satisfied
i dare not even blink for the sight of writhing bodies
i can still feel their warm, wet flesh on my lips
the taste of them
my stomach churns
i beg of it to purge my guilt
but no, nothing
just torturous nausea
each burning penetrating stare
i feel on my person all at once
as though i were once again naked
at their command
i remember the cross
silvery and cool
upon my chest where it landed
the searing sting of my tears
as they fell
the tiny pattering as they landed in my hair
and the profound, screaming silence that followed.
the old wedding band
a simple band of gold
no diamond to be found
a simple lovers token
made with simple round
when in the light it shines
when in the dark it fades
but within it lies a promise
that one sweet lover made
a promise to be faithfull
a promise to be true
this simple band was given
from my one
my only
you
upon my ageing finger
with it's wrinkles
with it's scars
it still shines true with memories
that all alone were ours
though now it's surface scuffed
the engraving all but worn
still it shows that promise
of a true love that was sworn
many years ago
when we were still so young
when we were happy bright and gay
with songs still to be sung
when you were strong and tall dear
before you faded fast
when i could still caress you
and hear your muffled laugh
so many years this ring has seen
a fair few less than i
but many more than you had seen
and lived here by my side
for i lost you long ago love
so many years gone by
but each day i still think of you
when we were you and i
i wander on the future
now our time has passed
certain only of one thing
that my sweet and simple ring
will stay upon my finger till the last
no diamond to be found
a simple lovers token
made with simple round
when in the light it shines
when in the dark it fades
but within it lies a promise
that one sweet lover made
a promise to be faithfull
a promise to be true
this simple band was given
from my one
my only
you
upon my ageing finger
with it's wrinkles
with it's scars
it still shines true with memories
that all alone were ours
though now it's surface scuffed
the engraving all but worn
still it shows that promise
of a true love that was sworn
many years ago
when we were still so young
when we were happy bright and gay
with songs still to be sung
when you were strong and tall dear
before you faded fast
when i could still caress you
and hear your muffled laugh
so many years this ring has seen
a fair few less than i
but many more than you had seen
and lived here by my side
for i lost you long ago love
so many years gone by
but each day i still think of you
when we were you and i
i wander on the future
now our time has passed
certain only of one thing
that my sweet and simple ring
will stay upon my finger till the last
Monday 22 December 2008
deceptions
torn asunder is my heart
for each love is loved equal
each love i love divine
but which half of one heart can truly love?
can half a heart so torn as mine feel any love at all?
could it be that earthly passions tear my heart a twain?
could it be my heart deceives for one and both the same?
or truly does my heart deny me what i so desire?
truth is what i seek
but where i ask does truth belong in the realms of love?
i look into the face of one i love so dearly
can my heart be playing with my eyes
that i could gaze upon him with such adoration
yet still another casts his beautiful image in my mind?
oh woe betides those who love so freely
how beside myself am i
that my shadow seems to cover me
how can i feel such feelings
when once or twice at least upon days gone by i so loved another?
oh sweet and unforgiving deceptions of the heart
release me from this turmoil and offer loving guidance
give me but one answer
one needle and one thread
that once again my heart be whole
and love one love so true and righteously
i plead
i beg of you
my heart in all its parts wants only one simple thing
one love
in one person, one part
to love as one whole.
for each love is loved equal
each love i love divine
but which half of one heart can truly love?
can half a heart so torn as mine feel any love at all?
could it be that earthly passions tear my heart a twain?
could it be my heart deceives for one and both the same?
or truly does my heart deny me what i so desire?
truth is what i seek
but where i ask does truth belong in the realms of love?
i look into the face of one i love so dearly
can my heart be playing with my eyes
that i could gaze upon him with such adoration
yet still another casts his beautiful image in my mind?
oh woe betides those who love so freely
how beside myself am i
that my shadow seems to cover me
how can i feel such feelings
when once or twice at least upon days gone by i so loved another?
oh sweet and unforgiving deceptions of the heart
release me from this turmoil and offer loving guidance
give me but one answer
one needle and one thread
that once again my heart be whole
and love one love so true and righteously
i plead
i beg of you
my heart in all its parts wants only one simple thing
one love
in one person, one part
to love as one whole.
Saturday 29 November 2008
hidden from view
i have given everything
every morsel of my being has been devoured
i breathe
i feel
i cry
but still each tear falls shallow
every breath sighs and echoes with my emptiness
each emotion is wrought with the same discontent
i gave it all to them
my friends
my lovers
my foes
each one and the same in their deceptions
lovingly tore away my facade
leaving my weakness exposed
throw this desiccated wood onto the fire
watch me burn
feel the heat of my passing
watch me die
but a glowing ember
soon to be discarded
this is life
this is all that is left
i was once not so different from them
i too once felt the thrill of passion
i too once lept for joy
i too once indulged in my sorrows and pain
but now i am as the sunset
marvel at my beauty
gaze softly at the world enshrouded in my glow
for soon i will pass
soon a silvery shadow of what once was will take my place
you will marvel at it's beauty still
gaze softly at the world enshrouded in it's glow
but still it is no more than a reflection
a mirror
my own deception
i will be gone
away into the deep forgiving void
hidden from view.
every morsel of my being has been devoured
i breathe
i feel
i cry
but still each tear falls shallow
every breath sighs and echoes with my emptiness
each emotion is wrought with the same discontent
i gave it all to them
my friends
my lovers
my foes
each one and the same in their deceptions
lovingly tore away my facade
leaving my weakness exposed
throw this desiccated wood onto the fire
watch me burn
feel the heat of my passing
watch me die
but a glowing ember
soon to be discarded
this is life
this is all that is left
i was once not so different from them
i too once felt the thrill of passion
i too once lept for joy
i too once indulged in my sorrows and pain
but now i am as the sunset
marvel at my beauty
gaze softly at the world enshrouded in my glow
for soon i will pass
soon a silvery shadow of what once was will take my place
you will marvel at it's beauty still
gaze softly at the world enshrouded in it's glow
but still it is no more than a reflection
a mirror
my own deception
i will be gone
away into the deep forgiving void
hidden from view.
Wednesday 26 November 2008
the revolving door
i watched the world go by
through a slow revolving door
the whisper and the sigh
as it's brushes swept floor
tiny patters on the glass
as raindrops fell like tears
and all the while
the world still passed
seconds turned to minutes
then to years
the mumble and the clatter
down the hall
of people rushing by
barely taking any notice
if at all
of the swishing and the patter
of the slow revolving door
or the murmuring and clatter
of their feet upon the floor
i glanced to left and right
to the painting then the door
and then saw such a sight
as i never had before
the twirling door stood still
and the rain it's pattering ceased
the murmur now was quiet
and no sounds of clicking feet
i stood and closed my eyes
then glanced about once more
the world was standing still
so i opened wide the door
outside the rain hung solemn
in a sky that slept quite still
not a flicker there of movement
no breeze or winter chill
i wandered though great cities
through the towns and countryside
no obstacles to stop me
the world was mercy to my stride
i saw the seven wonders
and the many more besides
i walked on waves, danced on clouds
and slept on frothy tides
in these moments or these hours
in these minutes or these days
i saw the world a thousand times
in five hundred different ways
each person and each object
each though perfect
still quite flawed
and then i went from whence i came
back through the turning door
i sat upon my chair again
and paused a moment more
then closed my eyes
opened them
and then i watched the world go by
through the slow revolving door.
through a slow revolving door
the whisper and the sigh
as it's brushes swept floor
tiny patters on the glass
as raindrops fell like tears
and all the while
the world still passed
seconds turned to minutes
then to years
the mumble and the clatter
down the hall
of people rushing by
barely taking any notice
if at all
of the swishing and the patter
of the slow revolving door
or the murmuring and clatter
of their feet upon the floor
i glanced to left and right
to the painting then the door
and then saw such a sight
as i never had before
the twirling door stood still
and the rain it's pattering ceased
the murmur now was quiet
and no sounds of clicking feet
i stood and closed my eyes
then glanced about once more
the world was standing still
so i opened wide the door
outside the rain hung solemn
in a sky that slept quite still
not a flicker there of movement
no breeze or winter chill
i wandered though great cities
through the towns and countryside
no obstacles to stop me
the world was mercy to my stride
i saw the seven wonders
and the many more besides
i walked on waves, danced on clouds
and slept on frothy tides
in these moments or these hours
in these minutes or these days
i saw the world a thousand times
in five hundred different ways
each person and each object
each though perfect
still quite flawed
and then i went from whence i came
back through the turning door
i sat upon my chair again
and paused a moment more
then closed my eyes
opened them
and then i watched the world go by
through the slow revolving door.
Saturday 1 November 2008
Morning
the morning breaks,
and with it lies the cool and gentle thoughts,
of what lays within it's wake,
what of the new beginnings dawn has brought,
as passions fill my eyes with golden light
the vales and hills reflect such beauty bright,
within the breeze,
the hush and mellow melody of birds,
the rustling of the leaves,
seem to whisper in their own enchanted words,
what secrets do they to each other sigh
twain death of night and birth of morn is nigh
a prayer perhaps for i,
the one so wrought with loves pure ills
for you the one whom for my love doth spill.
and with it lies the cool and gentle thoughts,
of what lays within it's wake,
what of the new beginnings dawn has brought,
as passions fill my eyes with golden light
the vales and hills reflect such beauty bright,
within the breeze,
the hush and mellow melody of birds,
the rustling of the leaves,
seem to whisper in their own enchanted words,
what secrets do they to each other sigh
twain death of night and birth of morn is nigh
a prayer perhaps for i,
the one so wrought with loves pure ills
for you the one whom for my love doth spill.
Friday 24 October 2008
sixpence none the wiser (lyrics)
I'm staring into emptiness
and nothing makes a sound
I'm wishing for some one to help
i needed you around
you gave me everything i had
and then you took it all away
and now i don't know where to turn
but i cant just walk away
and now I'm sixpence none the wiser
i look into your eyes
but theres nothing left to find there
nothing left to recognise
and sixpence none the wiser
I'm reaching out for you
can you still feel my heartbeat?
i really hope you do
I'm walking through a crowded room
I'm searching for your face
i try to scream above the boom
but you're nowhere in this place
I'm giving up my life for you
I'm giving up the game
and somewhere in the distant blue
someones screaming out my name
and i am sixpence none the wiser
and I'm reaching out for you
reaching into darkness
falling ever after you
and sixpence none the wiser
I'm pouring out my heart
cant you help me out here?
i just don't know where to start
join me in the afterlife
where we can be as one
leave the emptiness behind
and we can revel in the sun
will you put your hand in mine?
will you drive away the fear?
take me to where day stars shine
and the night time skies are clear
and I'm sixpence none the wiser
and i never realised
that you never really loved me
i was just a waste of time
and sixpence none the wiser
i just cannot let you go
so whats there left to do now
baby say it isn't so
so here we are together now
your hands behind your back
you say my heart is blue with pain
but hunny it's all black
i give you one last chance now
to say what i must hear
but you wont say the words to me
you've made your choice quite clear
and now I'm sixpence none the wiser
and I'm sitting here with you
your head rests on my shoulder
and my blood is turning blue
and sixpence none the wiser
how did it end like this?
why couldn't you just love me?
spare me one forgiving kiss?
now the sky is opening
and your lips will speak no more
I'm staring at the crimson flood
that's filling up the floor
i just cant live without you
oh was it such a crime
and now i cant live with you
i guess now is the time
and now I'm sixpence none the wiser
i look into your eyes
but theres nothing left to find there
nothing left to recognise
and sixpence none the wiser
I'm still reaching out for you
can you still feel my heartbeat?
can you still feel my heartbeat?
can you still feel my heartbeat?
No?
me too.
and nothing makes a sound
I'm wishing for some one to help
i needed you around
you gave me everything i had
and then you took it all away
and now i don't know where to turn
but i cant just walk away
and now I'm sixpence none the wiser
i look into your eyes
but theres nothing left to find there
nothing left to recognise
and sixpence none the wiser
I'm reaching out for you
can you still feel my heartbeat?
i really hope you do
I'm walking through a crowded room
I'm searching for your face
i try to scream above the boom
but you're nowhere in this place
I'm giving up my life for you
I'm giving up the game
and somewhere in the distant blue
someones screaming out my name
and i am sixpence none the wiser
and I'm reaching out for you
reaching into darkness
falling ever after you
and sixpence none the wiser
I'm pouring out my heart
cant you help me out here?
i just don't know where to start
join me in the afterlife
where we can be as one
leave the emptiness behind
and we can revel in the sun
will you put your hand in mine?
will you drive away the fear?
take me to where day stars shine
and the night time skies are clear
and I'm sixpence none the wiser
and i never realised
that you never really loved me
i was just a waste of time
and sixpence none the wiser
i just cannot let you go
so whats there left to do now
baby say it isn't so
so here we are together now
your hands behind your back
you say my heart is blue with pain
but hunny it's all black
i give you one last chance now
to say what i must hear
but you wont say the words to me
you've made your choice quite clear
and now I'm sixpence none the wiser
and I'm sitting here with you
your head rests on my shoulder
and my blood is turning blue
and sixpence none the wiser
how did it end like this?
why couldn't you just love me?
spare me one forgiving kiss?
now the sky is opening
and your lips will speak no more
I'm staring at the crimson flood
that's filling up the floor
i just cant live without you
oh was it such a crime
and now i cant live with you
i guess now is the time
and now I'm sixpence none the wiser
i look into your eyes
but theres nothing left to find there
nothing left to recognise
and sixpence none the wiser
I'm still reaching out for you
can you still feel my heartbeat?
can you still feel my heartbeat?
can you still feel my heartbeat?
No?
me too.
Tuesday 21 October 2008
Saturday 18 October 2008
chapters of my life
i had a million dreams to live
not one has yet come true
i never danced upon a stage
i never sang a tune
a child has eyes like no one else
eyes that dare to dream
but it's hard to live the dream nowadays
with all the things i've seen
i never went to law school
or earned a high degree
i didnt publish poems
not even two or three
i did not become an astronaught
i never learned to fly
maybe dreams like this
just werent meant for the likes of i
i got myself a steady job
and tried to settle down
but no matter how i tried to swim
i always seemed to drown
i lost my job one summer time
and my lover the fall before
it never seems to be too long
before misery knocks the door
i look back on all my dreams
from times when i was small
and it startles me to realise
i have none left at all
i do not dream of fortune
of fame or such and like
i dont dream of racing grand prix cars
while fixing up my bike
i dont dream of my husband
the one i thought would be
i dont dream of my children
it just wasn't meant for me
i wish for things like happiness
i wish for night and day
i wish for things i know will come
even if not right away
i dont wish for the love
of the man who broke my heart
i dont wish for a happy ending
i pray to find the start
so id like to end my story
but it has not yet begun
but maybe there will be more to tell
and this is just chapter one.
not one has yet come true
i never danced upon a stage
i never sang a tune
a child has eyes like no one else
eyes that dare to dream
but it's hard to live the dream nowadays
with all the things i've seen
i never went to law school
or earned a high degree
i didnt publish poems
not even two or three
i did not become an astronaught
i never learned to fly
maybe dreams like this
just werent meant for the likes of i
i got myself a steady job
and tried to settle down
but no matter how i tried to swim
i always seemed to drown
i lost my job one summer time
and my lover the fall before
it never seems to be too long
before misery knocks the door
i look back on all my dreams
from times when i was small
and it startles me to realise
i have none left at all
i do not dream of fortune
of fame or such and like
i dont dream of racing grand prix cars
while fixing up my bike
i dont dream of my husband
the one i thought would be
i dont dream of my children
it just wasn't meant for me
i wish for things like happiness
i wish for night and day
i wish for things i know will come
even if not right away
i dont wish for the love
of the man who broke my heart
i dont wish for a happy ending
i pray to find the start
so id like to end my story
but it has not yet begun
but maybe there will be more to tell
and this is just chapter one.
Thursday 16 October 2008
together again
remember when i was just about nine
and you were barely ten
you and me sang songs together
over and again
but now all that times passed us by
and that was way back when
i wander if we'll ever sing together again
we grew up and music changed
we both chose different beats
i can still remember
we went dancing in the streets
but now all that time has passed us by
since back when we were young
i wander if you'll still remember
songs that we both sung
now im nearly fourty-three
and you're no longer here
i can still hear your voice though
there it echoes in my ear
even though you've passed me by
those old songs ease the pain
but i still just cant help wandering
if we'll sing together once again...
and you were barely ten
you and me sang songs together
over and again
but now all that times passed us by
and that was way back when
i wander if we'll ever sing together again
we grew up and music changed
we both chose different beats
i can still remember
we went dancing in the streets
but now all that time has passed us by
since back when we were young
i wander if you'll still remember
songs that we both sung
now im nearly fourty-three
and you're no longer here
i can still hear your voice though
there it echoes in my ear
even though you've passed me by
those old songs ease the pain
but i still just cant help wandering
if we'll sing together once again...
Tuesday 14 October 2008
Thursday 9 October 2008
if i was your lover
if i were wealthy
i would by you the world and wrap it up with string
if i were clever
i would make sense of this life for you
if i were a healer
i would make you feel no pain
if i were a cellist
i would compose my music in your beautiful image
if i were a gardener
i would grow you sweet roses
if i was your lover
i would tell you all of these things in a poem
if i was a poet
i would tell you these things while we made love.
i would by you the world and wrap it up with string
if i were clever
i would make sense of this life for you
if i were a healer
i would make you feel no pain
if i were a cellist
i would compose my music in your beautiful image
if i were a gardener
i would grow you sweet roses
if i was your lover
i would tell you all of these things in a poem
if i was a poet
i would tell you these things while we made love.
Whore
you walk into my room and say
my god I've had an awful day
i listen and pretend to care
half wishing that you weren't there
you pull me close and kiss my chest
and say 'you know, i like you best'
you lay me down and strip me bare
now you're the one pretending to care
i feel the blood now rising high
you stretch your arms up to the sky
to feel the sweat
the heat
the taste
you'd lay your whole damn life to waste
you close your eyes
the lights grow dim
i´ll moan and beg you
put it in
your hands caress me
now you shake
you hope to god
that you wont wake
your body screams out
please don't stop
but what of the other girl you've got?
where is she in all of this?
i kiss your chest
in ill feigned bliss
then suddenly
your mind returns
inside you're wishing i was her
your eyes grow distant
you say no more
now you've got what you came for
you leave the money on the stand
no strings attached
just cash in hand
you go back to your perfect life
your perfect home
your perfect wife
i scream 'don't you come back no more!'
that's what you get
when you're a whore.
my god I've had an awful day
i listen and pretend to care
half wishing that you weren't there
you pull me close and kiss my chest
and say 'you know, i like you best'
you lay me down and strip me bare
now you're the one pretending to care
i feel the blood now rising high
you stretch your arms up to the sky
to feel the sweat
the heat
the taste
you'd lay your whole damn life to waste
you close your eyes
the lights grow dim
i´ll moan and beg you
put it in
your hands caress me
now you shake
you hope to god
that you wont wake
your body screams out
please don't stop
but what of the other girl you've got?
where is she in all of this?
i kiss your chest
in ill feigned bliss
then suddenly
your mind returns
inside you're wishing i was her
your eyes grow distant
you say no more
now you've got what you came for
you leave the money on the stand
no strings attached
just cash in hand
you go back to your perfect life
your perfect home
your perfect wife
i scream 'don't you come back no more!'
that's what you get
when you're a whore.
Tuesday 7 October 2008
waiting for the rainbow
I'm waiting for the rainbow
and I'm lying on the floor
the cool blue hue of solitude
is shining through the door
inside the air is warmer
and your body burns my skin
I'm waiting for the rainbow
but there's darkness still within
I'm waiting for that moment
I'm waiting for a sign
i want to know if so is so
and if you're really mine
my head feels light and dizzy
my body's a lead balloon
i see your face before me
and my heart becomes my tomb
your silence brings no comfort
and i dare not speak a word
inside my soul I'm screaming
but my cries will go unheard
soon that door will open
cold light will fill my eyes
I'm waiting for the rainbow
but there's darkness still inside.
and I'm lying on the floor
the cool blue hue of solitude
is shining through the door
inside the air is warmer
and your body burns my skin
I'm waiting for the rainbow
but there's darkness still within
I'm waiting for that moment
I'm waiting for a sign
i want to know if so is so
and if you're really mine
my head feels light and dizzy
my body's a lead balloon
i see your face before me
and my heart becomes my tomb
your silence brings no comfort
and i dare not speak a word
inside my soul I'm screaming
but my cries will go unheard
soon that door will open
cold light will fill my eyes
I'm waiting for the rainbow
but there's darkness still inside.
Tuesday 16 September 2008
finding the truth about lies
could i be happy to carry on along my merry way
when deep inside i cannot see much truth in all you say?
if ignorance indeed is bliss, then who am i pry?
what good is the truth, i ask, if it will make me cry?
is honesty the final flaw in what could be endless bliss?
would we care at all for truth if it wasn't there to miss?
beligerent and blasted are those who seek such things
when everybody knows too well the unhappiness it brings
merrily oh merrily i turn i blinded eye
happiness, it seems to me, does lie within a lie.
when deep inside i cannot see much truth in all you say?
if ignorance indeed is bliss, then who am i pry?
what good is the truth, i ask, if it will make me cry?
is honesty the final flaw in what could be endless bliss?
would we care at all for truth if it wasn't there to miss?
beligerent and blasted are those who seek such things
when everybody knows too well the unhappiness it brings
merrily oh merrily i turn i blinded eye
happiness, it seems to me, does lie within a lie.
Monday 15 September 2008
518400 days
Pale is the face that lies beneath the cool glass of the river.
Empty are the green eyes that stare vacantly beyond the babbling brook.
A crooked grimace there owes nothing to happiness...but much to insanity.
The moonlight casts its silver threads about her flowing hair.
is this she who loved you so?
she, who gave you her heart...only to bleed evermore from the wounds that refused to heal?
so long now has she bled for you that her very tears run crimson with despair.
518400 days to be precise.
Though it would seem that it was longer.
Each day an eternity, trapped inside this never ending pool of darkness
cast by the shadows of your memory.
I beseech you,
reach out your hands and stem the crimson tears that were born of wanting
let her voice ring once more, glorious and proud!
give her back to me
i cannot live without my soul.
Empty are the green eyes that stare vacantly beyond the babbling brook.
A crooked grimace there owes nothing to happiness...but much to insanity.
The moonlight casts its silver threads about her flowing hair.
is this she who loved you so?
she, who gave you her heart...only to bleed evermore from the wounds that refused to heal?
so long now has she bled for you that her very tears run crimson with despair.
518400 days to be precise.
Though it would seem that it was longer.
Each day an eternity, trapped inside this never ending pool of darkness
cast by the shadows of your memory.
I beseech you,
reach out your hands and stem the crimson tears that were born of wanting
let her voice ring once more, glorious and proud!
give her back to me
i cannot live without my soul.
Thursday 11 September 2008
the price i pay
arms so warm and tender
raise me up to silver skies
looking deep into forever
with a sadness in my eyes
the strongest arms will some day fail
and weaken over time
what then will there be left for me
if you´re no longer mine
could i still caress your skin
could gentle breezes kiss
these are the things that bother me
the things that i would miss
your dreamers breath that whispers
your heart, that steady drum
the laughter and the joy we´ll share in times still yet to come
what would life be worth to me
without you by my side
could there still be that forever
or would time just fade and die
could there still be winter
without promise of a spring
this i ask of you my love
for that is what you bring
when times are cold and dreary
and the air is colder still
it is your love that warms me
and keeps me safe from winters chill
but what love would i do
without you id be lost
my gift from god was loving you
but even love comes at a cost
raise me up to silver skies
looking deep into forever
with a sadness in my eyes
the strongest arms will some day fail
and weaken over time
what then will there be left for me
if you´re no longer mine
could i still caress your skin
could gentle breezes kiss
these are the things that bother me
the things that i would miss
your dreamers breath that whispers
your heart, that steady drum
the laughter and the joy we´ll share in times still yet to come
what would life be worth to me
without you by my side
could there still be that forever
or would time just fade and die
could there still be winter
without promise of a spring
this i ask of you my love
for that is what you bring
when times are cold and dreary
and the air is colder still
it is your love that warms me
and keeps me safe from winters chill
but what love would i do
without you id be lost
my gift from god was loving you
but even love comes at a cost
Bitter
there are corners in my mind
where memories are gathering
i clear away the cobwebs
and my tears all shine as new
and sharp still is the pain they bring
these long lost thoughts of old
these remenances of days i spent with you
a swelling in my stomach
an acheing in my heart
i´ve locked away these memories
since the moment we did part
my melencholy pictures
my sad and sombre songs
all lost inside these boxes
all hidden for so long
saddened am i now to watch them
these things i longed to hide
bitterness and anger were the price for senceless pride
but now the pictures all are faded and bitter is my grief
as anger swarms my thoughts and dreams in newfound disbelief
where memories are gathering
i clear away the cobwebs
and my tears all shine as new
and sharp still is the pain they bring
these long lost thoughts of old
these remenances of days i spent with you
a swelling in my stomach
an acheing in my heart
i´ve locked away these memories
since the moment we did part
my melencholy pictures
my sad and sombre songs
all lost inside these boxes
all hidden for so long
saddened am i now to watch them
these things i longed to hide
bitterness and anger were the price for senceless pride
but now the pictures all are faded and bitter is my grief
as anger swarms my thoughts and dreams in newfound disbelief
Friday 25 July 2008
Thursday 24 July 2008
My soul possession
hanging from the bars
your hands above your head
that is where i left you
tied up to your bed
the cameres eye winked with a flash
and captured that still frame
the one that seeks to glorify
the beauty of your pain
a trickle of the vino
runs across the seering welts
i marvel at the decoration
designed with chains and belts
if only pictures really spoke
then all could hear your scream
like an angel falling from the sky
but most can only dream to hear
the beauty of your cry
the temptation just to toutch you
is almost more than i can take
to run my hands across the skin
which my belt had sought to break
to taste your lips and make you mine
to steal your breath and fill you with my emptiness divine
your hands above your head
that is where i left you
tied up to your bed
the cameres eye winked with a flash
and captured that still frame
the one that seeks to glorify
the beauty of your pain
a trickle of the vino
runs across the seering welts
i marvel at the decoration
designed with chains and belts
if only pictures really spoke
then all could hear your scream
like an angel falling from the sky
but most can only dream to hear
the beauty of your cry
the temptation just to toutch you
is almost more than i can take
to run my hands across the skin
which my belt had sought to break
to taste your lips and make you mine
to steal your breath and fill you with my emptiness divine
Forgive me this sin
forgive me this sin
the lusting glance
pardon me please
for taking a chance
each night i cry
and my weakened heart fails
if only i´d known
evil always prevails
it takes two to tango
but this is no dance
it cannot be love
and it isn´t romance
i know what it was
and what that makes me
but with ignorant bliss
i pretend that im free
absolved of my guilt
my crimes and my shame
but deep inside knowing
that i hold the blame
so i hold my head high
and ignore what they say
though inside i know
it will come out some day
i feel so unsure
of what to do now
i cant make things right
i just don´t know how
so where do i go
to protect from this harm
because sooner or later
i´ll be back in your arms.
the lusting glance
pardon me please
for taking a chance
each night i cry
and my weakened heart fails
if only i´d known
evil always prevails
it takes two to tango
but this is no dance
it cannot be love
and it isn´t romance
i know what it was
and what that makes me
but with ignorant bliss
i pretend that im free
absolved of my guilt
my crimes and my shame
but deep inside knowing
that i hold the blame
so i hold my head high
and ignore what they say
though inside i know
it will come out some day
i feel so unsure
of what to do now
i cant make things right
i just don´t know how
so where do i go
to protect from this harm
because sooner or later
i´ll be back in your arms.
your love left a bruise
there are days when the wounds seem to open again
days when i cant escape my pain
nights when my tears run so cold and so blue
nights when im left here and im still missing you
there were times when i loved you
and i felt so abused
but even as time has passed
your love has left a bruise
it´s a mark that never goes away
and it hurts me to the bone
if only it would heal
with a simple word on the phone
but you dont call me anmore
your love has died away
but still the bruises refuse to heal
and stull are there today
so here i am
still lost and still used
and forever it would seem
your love has left it´s bruise.
days when i cant escape my pain
nights when my tears run so cold and so blue
nights when im left here and im still missing you
there were times when i loved you
and i felt so abused
but even as time has passed
your love has left a bruise
it´s a mark that never goes away
and it hurts me to the bone
if only it would heal
with a simple word on the phone
but you dont call me anmore
your love has died away
but still the bruises refuse to heal
and stull are there today
so here i am
still lost and still used
and forever it would seem
your love has left it´s bruise.
I cannot hold a sunset
Before the sun had set
And while the sky weeps with gold
There is a memory so dear
In the scene in do behold
A face long lost and gone for good
But one I can’t forget
He was the love I longed so for
And I, the love he never met
A gentle passing breeze sweeps the ground
My skin
My hair
And for one solitary moment
It almost feels as if he’s there
There is a song that soothes me
In the rustling of the leaves
And for just one still moment
My heart forgets all that it grieves
But I cannot hold the sunset
Nor can I catch its amber glow
But never shall my heart forget
The love it didn’t know.
And while the sky weeps with gold
There is a memory so dear
In the scene in do behold
A face long lost and gone for good
But one I can’t forget
He was the love I longed so for
And I, the love he never met
A gentle passing breeze sweeps the ground
My skin
My hair
And for one solitary moment
It almost feels as if he’s there
There is a song that soothes me
In the rustling of the leaves
And for just one still moment
My heart forgets all that it grieves
But I cannot hold the sunset
Nor can I catch its amber glow
But never shall my heart forget
The love it didn’t know.
Hallowed
such a storm
such a haze
and within that blowing gale i feel alive
i stand here
still amazed
and stretching forth my arms up to the sky
hallowed hallowed
hallowed is the day
and the rain pours out to me it´s sorrows pain
i can feel the rivers winding
and it babble
and it´s hush
as a pulse inside my own
within my viens
sootheing is the sigh
of the wind that sweeps and blows
melancholy is it´s silent hand
as sweeping up the leaves
it´s gentle fingers brush
through all the leaves and all across the land
hallowed hallowed
hallowed is the day
and hallowed is the earth on which i stand
upon a grassy knowle
like a beacon to the fold
there stands a silent testamony still
it´s iron nails all rusted
and it´s wood all weather torn
here lies the place where purest blood was spilled
hallowed hallowed
hallowed is the day
and hallowed was the one who gave his life
he who bore the burden
the torment and the pain
for ten score and a thousand years of strife
for each sinner in the crowd
for each sinner yet to come
and for every sin he cried to god aloud
forgive them my father they know not what they do
and these are the words that fill my heart
for gods son gave his life
to give me life anew
though not just me
he gave it for you too.
such a haze
and within that blowing gale i feel alive
i stand here
still amazed
and stretching forth my arms up to the sky
hallowed hallowed
hallowed is the day
and the rain pours out to me it´s sorrows pain
i can feel the rivers winding
and it babble
and it´s hush
as a pulse inside my own
within my viens
sootheing is the sigh
of the wind that sweeps and blows
melancholy is it´s silent hand
as sweeping up the leaves
it´s gentle fingers brush
through all the leaves and all across the land
hallowed hallowed
hallowed is the day
and hallowed is the earth on which i stand
upon a grassy knowle
like a beacon to the fold
there stands a silent testamony still
it´s iron nails all rusted
and it´s wood all weather torn
here lies the place where purest blood was spilled
hallowed hallowed
hallowed is the day
and hallowed was the one who gave his life
he who bore the burden
the torment and the pain
for ten score and a thousand years of strife
for each sinner in the crowd
for each sinner yet to come
and for every sin he cried to god aloud
forgive them my father they know not what they do
and these are the words that fill my heart
for gods son gave his life
to give me life anew
though not just me
he gave it for you too.
you broke my dreams and took my heart
you carry it around like a medal on your chest,
the thing that you have taken from deep within my breast,
you parade it right in front of me,
and ignore the tears i fight,
i wish that i could stop them,
but i cant,
try as i might,
can nothing end this feeling,
like im falling through the sky,
cant i just pretend that im okay,
and tell you to walk on by,
why do you play these games,
that reek havock with my mind,
is there nothing you can say,
that is comforting or kind,
can you not see the destruction,
that lays within your wake,
can you not see the heart you stole,
may be the one you break,
please dont take my dreams from me,
they´re all that i have left,
of a life that i once thought i´d have,
of which im now bereft,
though these words have little meaning,
i speak them from the heart,
the one that you have stolen,
as i told you from the start,
be carefull of your pride,
and your arrogance indeed,
for someday i might be,
the one want so not to need.
the thing that you have taken from deep within my breast,
you parade it right in front of me,
and ignore the tears i fight,
i wish that i could stop them,
but i cant,
try as i might,
can nothing end this feeling,
like im falling through the sky,
cant i just pretend that im okay,
and tell you to walk on by,
why do you play these games,
that reek havock with my mind,
is there nothing you can say,
that is comforting or kind,
can you not see the destruction,
that lays within your wake,
can you not see the heart you stole,
may be the one you break,
please dont take my dreams from me,
they´re all that i have left,
of a life that i once thought i´d have,
of which im now bereft,
though these words have little meaning,
i speak them from the heart,
the one that you have stolen,
as i told you from the start,
be carefull of your pride,
and your arrogance indeed,
for someday i might be,
the one want so not to need.
Need
dear freind i know the feeling,
of being someones hope,
to be the only thing they know,
the one that helps them cope,
i know the way it feels to live your life for someone else,
i know it isnt easy,
and it isn´t hard to tell.
it takes up every moment,
of each hour and every day,
you show them how to make it better
then you hope and pray
you try to heal the heart that will never beat alone,
and you know that you cant leave them to make it on their own,
but your misery consumes you
and you feel like you are caged
and each time you catch your own reflection
you see how much you´ve aged
and then you feel the guilt
because you know you want to leave
but you just cant walk away
and leave their soul to grieve
but please my friend
tread carefully
these words i know are true
you might just end up needing someone
just as yours needs you.
of being someones hope,
to be the only thing they know,
the one that helps them cope,
i know the way it feels to live your life for someone else,
i know it isnt easy,
and it isn´t hard to tell.
it takes up every moment,
of each hour and every day,
you show them how to make it better
then you hope and pray
you try to heal the heart that will never beat alone,
and you know that you cant leave them to make it on their own,
but your misery consumes you
and you feel like you are caged
and each time you catch your own reflection
you see how much you´ve aged
and then you feel the guilt
because you know you want to leave
but you just cant walk away
and leave their soul to grieve
but please my friend
tread carefully
these words i know are true
you might just end up needing someone
just as yours needs you.
Infamy
infamy
oh infamy
shallow be thy name
thou art unruly jester
in this life of simple fame
infamy
oh infamy
to fly free as a bird
with not a care for this and that
but set free in that word
infamy
oh infamy
and your hedonistic ways
to know these ´simple pleasures´
there is no sum you would not pay
infamy
oh infamy
such destruction in your wake
is there no thought within you
for the promises you break
infamy
oh infamy
when is it you will see
that you are just the infamy
that lies inside of me...
oh infamy
shallow be thy name
thou art unruly jester
in this life of simple fame
infamy
oh infamy
to fly free as a bird
with not a care for this and that
but set free in that word
infamy
oh infamy
and your hedonistic ways
to know these ´simple pleasures´
there is no sum you would not pay
infamy
oh infamy
such destruction in your wake
is there no thought within you
for the promises you break
infamy
oh infamy
when is it you will see
that you are just the infamy
that lies inside of me...
Never to be
a passing glance is all i have
to say that im still here
not heaven above
or hell below me
matters when you´re near
i don´t suppose you´ve noticed
the way i hang on every word
but then again
i understand
it must seem quite absurd
but theres something in the way
that you look at me and smile
that makes me stop to wander
if only for a while
what is it that you´re thinking
when i see you look at me
is it good
is it bad
or could it simply be
you don´t think much at all of me
and a glance is just a glance
but what if i could be with you
what if theres a chance
could i let it pass me by
and never know your heart
could i go back to that one night
could i go back to the start
or would i just be left here
asking myself why
drowning by the moonlight
in the many tears i cry
cant you just release me
and tell me what is true
but i suppose i know already
i will never be with you.
to say that im still here
not heaven above
or hell below me
matters when you´re near
i don´t suppose you´ve noticed
the way i hang on every word
but then again
i understand
it must seem quite absurd
but theres something in the way
that you look at me and smile
that makes me stop to wander
if only for a while
what is it that you´re thinking
when i see you look at me
is it good
is it bad
or could it simply be
you don´t think much at all of me
and a glance is just a glance
but what if i could be with you
what if theres a chance
could i let it pass me by
and never know your heart
could i go back to that one night
could i go back to the start
or would i just be left here
asking myself why
drowning by the moonlight
in the many tears i cry
cant you just release me
and tell me what is true
but i suppose i know already
i will never be with you.
The master of my desires
take thy sweetest form
and in the cool light of the tempest moon
lay waste to my heart
give unto me the burn of your desire
how soothing are the tears that flow
they are your gift to me
they are the thing that only you can give me so purely
without contempt
without fear
without love
fill me with the everlasting
damning desire for your touch
leave nothing in my mind unscathed by your beauty
and torture my soul as only you are able
give me rest and lay me in your arms
behold my weakness
my wanton passions enflamed
exposed
give me your gaze
give me your lips
give me your tongue
give me your hands
and make me feel
cast me not away
but keep me here
etournally yours
by your side
or kneeling at your feet
let me behold the glory of your form
through these enslaved eyes
because chains or none
seemingly free
you are my obsession
and i your possession
i wait here in the silence of my heart
which aches for only one
you, the master of my desires.
and in the cool light of the tempest moon
lay waste to my heart
give unto me the burn of your desire
how soothing are the tears that flow
they are your gift to me
they are the thing that only you can give me so purely
without contempt
without fear
without love
fill me with the everlasting
damning desire for your touch
leave nothing in my mind unscathed by your beauty
and torture my soul as only you are able
give me rest and lay me in your arms
behold my weakness
my wanton passions enflamed
exposed
give me your gaze
give me your lips
give me your tongue
give me your hands
and make me feel
cast me not away
but keep me here
etournally yours
by your side
or kneeling at your feet
let me behold the glory of your form
through these enslaved eyes
because chains or none
seemingly free
you are my obsession
and i your possession
i wait here in the silence of my heart
which aches for only one
you, the master of my desires.
For my brother
tonight i´ll say a prayer
for our soldier in the sand
i´ll pray god send an angel
to take him by the hand
to watch him while he´s sleeping
and while the cannons sound
to keep him safe and guard him
from the dangers all around
i´ll ask god to be with him
as he marches proud and tall
and i´ll ask god to remind him
that i love him
most of all
as he walks through the valley
god keep him safe from harm
and this i´ll pray
each single day
´til he returns into our arms.
for our soldier in the sand
i´ll pray god send an angel
to take him by the hand
to watch him while he´s sleeping
and while the cannons sound
to keep him safe and guard him
from the dangers all around
i´ll ask god to be with him
as he marches proud and tall
and i´ll ask god to remind him
that i love him
most of all
as he walks through the valley
god keep him safe from harm
and this i´ll pray
each single day
´til he returns into our arms.
The tale of broken hearts
my words have lost their meaning
my tune has lost it´s song
i thought you were the one
then i found out
i was wrong
i try to write it down
but the words mean nothing still
and i cannot change my fate
and life will do what it will
there is nothing in the daybreak
but a light across the bay
there is nothing in the meadows
but a lonely bale of hay
the wind that whistled long ago
went still and hushed and died
the waves that broke upon the shore
have dissappeared and dried
the moon still glows at midnight
and the stars still shine above
they are the last remaining
part of what i once called love
the gentle memories i hold
can stike so fierce a blow
they turn my heart a blackened cold
and my pulse begins to slow
so here i am again
right back at the start
or is it just the end
of my tale of broken hearts?
my tune has lost it´s song
i thought you were the one
then i found out
i was wrong
i try to write it down
but the words mean nothing still
and i cannot change my fate
and life will do what it will
there is nothing in the daybreak
but a light across the bay
there is nothing in the meadows
but a lonely bale of hay
the wind that whistled long ago
went still and hushed and died
the waves that broke upon the shore
have dissappeared and dried
the moon still glows at midnight
and the stars still shine above
they are the last remaining
part of what i once called love
the gentle memories i hold
can stike so fierce a blow
they turn my heart a blackened cold
and my pulse begins to slow
so here i am again
right back at the start
or is it just the end
of my tale of broken hearts?
To care
caring is about more than love
caring is not bailing your friend out of jail when they get into trouble
but being right there beside them saying ´damn we f**ked up´
caring isnt worrying all night that your friends are drinking too much then paniking when they do
it´s making sure you´ve got the number for a taxi so you can see them home safe
caring isnt about how much you love someone
it´s the simple fact that you do in the first place, because thats what matters.
caring isnt about giving up your life completely to someone
it´s about sharing it
and finally caring is not stealing the sheets and leaving the bedroom window open
or creeping out before they wake up
caring is tucking them in
being there beside them
leaving the windows closed
but the door to your heart wide open.
caring is not bailing your friend out of jail when they get into trouble
but being right there beside them saying ´damn we f**ked up´
caring isnt worrying all night that your friends are drinking too much then paniking when they do
it´s making sure you´ve got the number for a taxi so you can see them home safe
caring isnt about how much you love someone
it´s the simple fact that you do in the first place, because thats what matters.
caring isnt about giving up your life completely to someone
it´s about sharing it
and finally caring is not stealing the sheets and leaving the bedroom window open
or creeping out before they wake up
caring is tucking them in
being there beside them
leaving the windows closed
but the door to your heart wide open.
Closer still
i cant´ push away the memories
or how they make me feel
nothings quite the same now
it all seems so surreal
looking at you sitting there
my mind begins to reel
i know it all meant nothing
at least,
nothing much to you
and you answer me with silence
when i ask you if thats true
with a look of sheer defiance
that cuts me through and through
you wont say the words
they have yet to pass your lips
but all the while i know
it wont be long before it slips
someday im sure you´ll let me know
and tell me honestly
when the best of me is dead and gone
and you´ve had your fun with me
i never realy had a chance
and would always be second best
well
incase you hadn´t noticed
i have already guessed
it´s okay
i admit it
you know i always knew
but i would do the same a thousand times
just to be close to you.
or how they make me feel
nothings quite the same now
it all seems so surreal
looking at you sitting there
my mind begins to reel
i know it all meant nothing
at least,
nothing much to you
and you answer me with silence
when i ask you if thats true
with a look of sheer defiance
that cuts me through and through
you wont say the words
they have yet to pass your lips
but all the while i know
it wont be long before it slips
someday im sure you´ll let me know
and tell me honestly
when the best of me is dead and gone
and you´ve had your fun with me
i never realy had a chance
and would always be second best
well
incase you hadn´t noticed
i have already guessed
it´s okay
i admit it
you know i always knew
but i would do the same a thousand times
just to be close to you.
Dance with me
take my hand
put your arms around me
hold me as the music starts to play
i wont ask you for your love
i wont even dare a kiss
as long as you will tell me that you´ll stay
i dont want to dance alone tonight
this music is a tango made for two
so look into my eyes
and feel whats there inside
because you know this band plays just for me and you
hold me closer
emember the day you found me
and feel the rythm of our gentle sway
tell the music not to stop
my sweetheart please just tell me that you´ll stay
and that you´ll stand beside me
as i take my final bow
i dont know how to dance but i´ll try
just let me dance forever
let me stay here in your arms
tell me anything
just please dont say goodbye.
put your arms around me
hold me as the music starts to play
i wont ask you for your love
i wont even dare a kiss
as long as you will tell me that you´ll stay
i dont want to dance alone tonight
this music is a tango made for two
so look into my eyes
and feel whats there inside
because you know this band plays just for me and you
hold me closer
emember the day you found me
and feel the rythm of our gentle sway
tell the music not to stop
my sweetheart please just tell me that you´ll stay
and that you´ll stand beside me
as i take my final bow
i dont know how to dance but i´ll try
just let me dance forever
let me stay here in your arms
tell me anything
just please dont say goodbye.
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